You know the public restroom, right? The multi-stall one. It’s a delicate dance. A silent agreement. You walk in, you assess the situation. Is anyone in the stall next to you? Can you hear them? Are *they* listening to *you*? It’s a performance! Everyone’s trying to be as quiet as possible, like it’s a library, but for… you know. And then someone invariably breaks the silence. A cough, a flush that sounds like a jet engine taking off. And the eye contact through the gap in the door! Is that necessary? What are we doing here? We’re all adults, performing a basic bodily function, but somehow it becomes this elaborate, covert operation. Just get in, do your business, get out. No applause, please.