Alright, so you go to a restaurant, right? And you open the menu. And it’s not just ‘chicken.’ Oh no, it’s ‘farm-raised, free-roaming, ethically-sourced, hand-massaged chicken, gently caressed by the morning dew, served with a melody of heirloom vegetables from a very specific farm you’ve never heard of.’ I just want to know what it is! Is it grilled? Is it fried? Is it still clucking? I don’t need the life story of the chicken! I just need to decide if I want to eat it! It’s food, not a novel! And the prices, don’t even get me started. For ‘heirloom carrots’? What’s wrong with a regular carrot? Did the heirloom carrots go to college? Do they have a mortgage? What makes them so special?
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