You know, you check into a hotel, they hand you this plastic card. ‘Don’t put it near your phone!’ they say. ‘Don’t put it near your credit card!’ So, what *can* I put it near? My earlobe? My left pinky toe? And then you get to the door, you slide it in, it blinks red. ‘Okay, try again.’ You slide it again, it blinks red. ‘Maybe flip it over?’ You flip it over, it blinks red. By this point, you’re doing a little dance, a little prayer, practically whispering sweet nothings to the door. Just give me a metal key! A big clunky metal key! I know how to use those! They don’t get demagnetized by a stray thought!
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