So, you buy a toaster online, right? And suddenly, everyone’s a culinary appliance expert! ‘This toaster changed my life! The perfect shade of golden brown!’ Really? It’s a toaster! It browns bread! And then you get the one-star review: ‘Item arrived, box was slightly dented. Unacceptable.’ What does that even mean? The *box* was dented? Were you planning on eating the box? We’ve elevated the act of buying mundane items into a full-blown existential crisis. And don’t even get me started on reviewing public parks. ‘Swing set creaks.’ Of course it creaks! It’s been there since before I was born!
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